After two months of fooling around and almost losing my virginity, I tried to call things off. I thought sexual activity was supposed to feel good, but it wasn't all that it appeared to be in porn. I was filled with guilt and I wanted nothing more than to get out. However, even though I wanted to call things off, I found myself pulled into this relationship because we were not only physically involved, but also emotionally involved.

After ignoring many of my friends for this relationship, I found myself with no friends. The loneliness led to depression, and the depression was deep. For over two years I looked at porn constantly. Before I got into pornography─women had names, ideas, personalities, goals, and futures. After viewing so much porn─women appeared to have only momentary value. That is, women seemed only valuable as long as the pleasure lasted. I believe I was addicted to pornography.

It was not until someone challenged me to give up porn that I felt a sense of release from my "dirty little secret." I had felt disgusted and ashamed for a very long time, but I kept running from my emotions. Unfortunately for me, after I was challenged to give up porn, something was still holding me back. It wasn't a physical hold, but rather an emotional hold. It was a sense of pride really. I understood that the people in porn were using each other for their own pleasure, but I felt I wasn't using anyone. At least I wasn't hurting anyone.

I told myself that I could control what I was looking at and could stop at any time. It was just a visual stimulus. Right? I think this is the biggest lie of porn. It does hurt somebody. It hurts a lot of people. The men in pornography do not treat women with the respect and caring they deserve. After looking at porn for so long, I started believing that this is how girls wanted to be treated. I lost my sense of how a man should treat a woman. I lost my self-respect and I wanted it back. I stopped cold turkey, but the pull hasn't left me. I still want to look at porn, but I don't.

Guys, let's be honest, if you're looking at pornography, you're not just looking at pornography. The chemicals released during sexual activity bond two people physically and emotionally. Doesn't it seem possible that a similar bonding may occur with pornography? I was talking to a recovering porn addict one time, and he told me that he could still remember the first pornographic image he'd ever seen. It wasn't that he wanted to remember, he just couldn't forget.

Twenty-five years later, he still couldn't forget. As I said, pornography was my secret and I am not proud of it. The only way I got over the constant need to look at porn was to talk to my trusted friends. I needed to get the secret out in the open. Many men believe that porn is just like their favorite TV show. They can turn it on and off any time they want. But just like with any favorite TV show, you start to relate to the main characters. If the characters on the show have money, we want money. If they wear a certain type of clothing, we want to wear that type of clothing. Isn't it possible that when you see porn you are going to want what you see?

A truly great relationship is about two people getting to know one another in a meaningful way. To have a great relationship you need to become friends with your girlfriend. Understand and care about her goals and ambitions. But most of all, you should want to make her a better person so that she can reach her goals and ambitions in life. What kind of man are you if all you want out of a relationship is your own physical pleasure? A woman has a heart, a mind, and a body that demands respect. Don't reduce her to body parts.

To the ladies out there I ask you, "Why would you want a guy who is into porn?" He may say he loves you, but when he says, "I love your beautiful eyes, I love your personality, I think we should take the next step," I question whether it's you or your body he really wants. I'm 19 years old. I'm still a virgin, but I believe I am a recovering porn addict. I found it nearly impossible to be craving sex all the time and still hold on to my virginity. I challenge you. If you have the secret like I had, get it out in the open and get help.