Soon we were consumed with each other. If we weren't hanging out, we were talking on the phone. Eventually, we started to date for real. After a few months we started kissing. We had set boundaries in the beginning of the relationship that we would not go beyond kissing. Over the next year, however, we indulged in sexual activity beyond kissing, but did not have sexual intercourse. We broke up at least once a month because we felt guilty for engaging in risky sexual behavior. But we always got back together.

During one of our breakups, I went on a road trip for a month. I thought a lot about my relationship with Abby. I realized I didn't want to continue to give into the temptation of sexual activity. I decided I was going to break up with Abby for good. We needed to just be friends again. The first time that I saw her after I got back from my trip was at a movie night with our friends. After everyone fell asleep, Abby and I stayed up talking about my trip. We started cuddling and kissing. One thing led to another and we had sexual intercourse. I couldn't believe it. I was planning on telling her that I wanted to go back to being friends. I thought I had it all together. At the time, I didn't comprehend the damage I had really done to Abby and me.

Things between Abby and I became awkward. We stopped talking. I would see her at school and avoided her. I didn't want to be reminded of the mistakes we had made. After two months of not talking, I saw her in the hallway handing out balloons. I just disregarded it and kept walking. She walked towards me laughing and handed me a blue balloon that said "It's a boy." She walked away acting like it was a big joke. I was left feeling confused. It wasn't until my next class that I thought to myself, "Wait a minute! Was she trying to tell me something?!" I spent the entire day worrying because there was no way I could have a baby. I was only 15! I didn't have a job and I was still in high school. That night I called her and asked if she was pregnant. She said she thought she was pregnant but was going to get tested and would let me know. Two months went by and I hadn't heard from Abby. I figured she wasn't pregnant. Then one day, she gave me a note. It said that she had been pregnant, but had a miscarriage. I felt relieved I wasn't going to be a father. That was the last time Abby and I talked.

At that point in my life I decided I needed to take a break from dating. I felt I needed my heart to heal. I found adults I could talk to about what I had been through with Abby. They helped me deal with the pain. At times it was difficult, but eventually I became whole again. I didn't have to let my mistakes control me. I could forgive myself and forgive Abby.

I have made some regrettable choices in the past. I have hurt many people. I've learned a lot about myself. Now instead of giving into my desires and letting them dictate my actions, I remember that there are greater things to experience in a relationship (and life in general) than sex. Things like laughter, trust, respect, and friendship. These things are what I live for in my current relationships.

*The names have been changed to protect identities.